Screwtape on Prayer

(Matt 6:5-13 ESV)

 ""And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

"And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this:
      "Our Father in heaven,
      hallowed be your name.
     Your kingdom come,
      your will be done,
      on earth as it is in heaven.
     Give us this day our daily bread,
     and forgive us our debts,
          as we also have forgiven our debtors.
     And lead us not into temptation,
          but deliver us from evil."

This is the Word of our Lord. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

My Dear Wormwood,

As mind-numbing as humans thoughts and ideas can be to listen to, the Enemy, in His infinite knowledge, actually enjoys listening to the most petty and monotonous human needs and expressions. How He can stand to listen to them is completely beyond me, but that doesn't change the fact that He does. And since prayer is an expression of faith and relationship, we must do everything we can to prevent it, minimize it, or perform our specialty on it and twist it until it only bears a superficial similarity to actual prayer.

Humans will naturally tend to avoid prayer in most circumstances, being easily distracted from things above. If your patient considers prayer, just place something shiny in his field of view, and more often than not, that will put an end to such thoughts. Seriously. If that doesn't work, though, many other distractions can prevent this behavior from occurring.

First, tell your patient that prayer is pointless, that the Enemy is too busy to listen to his ranting and has more important things to do, like running the universe. Yes, I know that, in a very real way, the opposite is true, that the universe was created specifically for humanity, but when most humans look at the universe, they feel insignificant due to comparing themselves to the universe instead of recognizing the dignity implied by such a grand creation designed specifically for their benefit. Work that angle. Tell your patient that he's not worthy to be heard, because it's been so long since he last prayed, or because of the sins he committed earlier. Ironically, many Christians will use the words, "In Jesus' name," to end their prayers, not even realizing that the point of such a closing is to emphasize that their prayers are heard not due to their own worthiness, but because of the worthiness given to them through the cross. Make sure these words, if used, continue to be spoken purely as a formality,

You can also tell your patient that prayer has no real value. Tell him that, since the Enemy will care for his needs anyway, so why ask for what he already has on order? If you're going to use this angle, keep him from referring to the Enemy as "Father," especially if he is a father himself, as he may see through your ruse when he considers how important it is to him that his children come to him with their thoughts and needs. If he's going to think of the Enemy as Father, help him see the Enemy like the sort of father who spends long times away from his children, then tries to buy their affections with trinkets and by spoiling them rotten. When they make requests, keep the requests selfish, and when a tangible answer doesn't come immediately, encourage tantrums, and say, "See? Praying was pointless!" Keep him from considering that the Enemy answers all prayers in His own time, and when the answer does come-and the Enemy has an irritating habit of actually answering every prayer in some way, so it will happen-point out any differences between the request and the answer, and suggest that he reject the given answer like a mixed up order in the drive-thru. If you don't think that'll work, I present the Messiah hanging dead on a cross as "Exhibit A." Of course, that didn't go so well for us, but it was fun while it lasted.

Humans rarely pray during good times. When things appear to go bad, they eventually find their way to the Enemy's ear, but when their lives go according to their short-sighted plans, they tend to ignore the Enemy, so it's actually to our advantage to keep them comfortable and happy, oddly enough. And then, when they do experience discomfort, they think the Enemy has abandoned them, when it's often the case that He's actually calling them back to Him! Isn't the inconsistency of human logic delightful? Even more unlikely will be any prayers during those mundane times. Really, how many humans pray, "Today was average, and now I'm changing a diaper. Amen?" They may post it to Twitter for the whole world to read, but the One being who actually cares, they won't tell Him! So you won't need to work on that one, most likely. Just keep your patient away from the book of Proverbs, which deals extensively with the mundane and actually elevates it. You'll also find it helpful to suggest to your patient that he has nothing important to say. Especially if he's out of practice, he won't know where to begin. Keep him from realizing that it doesn't matter so much where to begin, but that he begin. The first step is the hardest, and if he actually sets time aside each day to develop the habit of regular prayer, be prepared for a beating. If he wants to keep a schedule, convince him that Sunday mornings are the appropriate time to pray, and that other times are neither appropriate nor necessary.

Some Christians, even though the Enemy spoke against this directly and in no uncertain terms, believe that, in order for the Enemy to hear them, they must use specific terms from the glossary of their Bibles. They think that the more they ramble on and the more formal their speech, the better the Enemy can understand them. Now, don't get me wrong-He has shown a penchant for formality over the years (Leviticus anyone?), but this is also the same Guy who spent His first hours on earth in a dirty feeding trough! You don't get much more casual than, "Wrapped in swaddling cloths." The enemy listens to the prayers of children, and even hears "groans too deep for words"! But if you push this formality enough, he'll feel inadequate and be reluctant to pray for fear of offending the One so eager to hear from him!

If he actually insists on praying regularly, tell him how proud he should be of himself. Puff up his ego. Tell him that he's really helping the Enemy out in some way. Humans are easily impressed with themselves. Suddenly, a time of focus on the Enemy becomes a time of self-congratulations, and the patient's focus goes from the Enemy back to himself. If possible, take this the next step, and turn this praying into a spectacle. Let him show others how good he is at praying, always keeping the focus on himself instead of on the Enemy.

And finally, if he must pray, tell him to keep the requests small. Suggest to him that small requests are more likely to be honored, as if the enemy somehow has a budget, that the Maker of heaven and earth Who gave up everything for him, even His life, can't afford anything big, that somehow the One Who defines Himself by sacrifice is unwilling to give away anything of significance. Make him uncertain, so the words of the prayer have all the confident strength of overcooked spaghetti, which implies that the Enemy Himself must have no more strength, bounty, or love for His children than that.

In all things, convince him that he's alone, that he knows neither how to pray, what to pray for, or when to pray, and he'll soon give up on the One who never gives up on him. Point out his sin, but not the One Who has forgiven that sin. Whisper the lies of Our Father Below in his ear to block out the reassurance and affection and promises of your patient's Father in Heaven, and make sure he feels always alone with nobody to talk to and bear his burdens, forgetting that the Enemy promised to be with him always.

Your affectionate uncle

SCREWTAPE

Now the peace of God, which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.